I’m turning 34 tomorrow. In all reality it won’t feel all that dissimilar from 33, but I have a quirky, surely neuro-atypical thing about even numbers, so it hits a little differently.

I like symmetry, and balance. Maybe there’s something to be said for astrology; I’m a Libra (scales and justice and such). My favorite number is 4; my engagement and wedding rings have patterns on them which are symmetrical, so that I can wear them in either direction and they’re the same, and the engagement diamond is a square (my favorite shape, for all of the above reasons). When I’m in the car listening to the radio, or at home watching television, I adjust the volume by even number – so if it’s on a 6 and just a smidge too quiet, for example, I can’t just turn it up to 7, I have to go to 8. My daughter was born on an even numbered day but an odd numbered month and odd numbered year – I’m thankful for the even numbered day, it appeases the compulsion. My birthdate is full of even numbers which I find quite satisfying.

Today a colleague was assisting me with hanging up some students’ work in my classroom (they made maps and I taught them how to “age” them using tea, so fun!); most students made their maps in landscape orientation, except one student did his in portrait orientation. My colleague hung them up and then afterwards commented that it will probably bother me that the one map with different orientation isn’t in the middle, as it doesn’t look so symmetrical or balanced this way. Grateful for her help, I told her it was fine…but now I’m sitting here looking at it, and I’m going to have to fix it. Now I’m additionally grateful for her acknowledgment of my need for symmetry!

I don’t think I’ve always been this way, but I do know there’s something not entirely “normal” about it. It’s not a compulsion that interferes with daily life and functioning in any way, so I’m not concerned. But if I stop to consider why I’m like this, I think I can pinpoint a possible explanation. For much of my life, things were outside of my control, chaotic. Symmetry, balance, even numbers, they harken to a natural order. It’s my own personal little way of controlling what little I can, of making order out of chaos, which is a fundamental human impulse. (I expound on this in different context in my Sunday school class.) Somehow, even numbers meet that need for me.

There’s a Jewish custom of offering well-wishes to others on one’s birthday. As such, may you all have a lovely year to come, full of blessings and good health, of peace and joy, and with more order than chaos.