Some of you may recognize that the title of this post is actually the opening lyric to the theme song of a beloved 1990s sitcom. I’ve seen every episode of that sitcom, multiple times. As such, I’ve framed this whole blog post in some tongue-in-cheek irony for myself.

Are you one of those people who has certain shows or movies they watch over and over again? Books they read over and over again? Music they listen to over and over again? I am one of those people. Sure, there’s new stuff out there to consume, and sure, we broaden our horizons on occasion, but time and again, it’s the same old stuff we continue to gravitate back to. This is all the more true in times of increased distress.

It took me a long time, but I finally figured out why I’m like that. I won’t speak for everyone, but I can say with certainty that for myself, I need the consistency. I need the comfort of knowing what to expect, what’s going to happen. There are no surprises in a show you’ve already seen. There’s no potential for a catastrophic ending if you’ve already gotten to the end before, so you can rule that anxiety out for yourself before even pressing play or opening the front cover. As a person who’s had the rug pulled out from underneath her feet repeatedly in her life, the ability to control stressors can go a long way. Certainly, it’s impractical to assume I can control stressors or avoid surprises in real life. I’m well educated in the fact that real life doesn’t work like that. But what I watch, read, listen to? I am in control of that, and I vastly prefer the entertainment media I consume to be “conflict free” for the most part. It’s not that what I watch and read has no interpersonal conflict between characters at all, because that would be pretty boring; the key is that I already know how the conflict pans out. There’s resolution to look forward to, even to bask in.

I’ve heard this concept referred to as “comfort shows” at times. To make it more general, I’ll go with the term “comfort media” which encompasses more than just television. I have a few “comfort shows” and “comfort movies”, lots of “comfort books”, and I rarely listen to any music that I haven’t already been listening to for at least fifteen years. (Music is a bit of an auxiliary example here, but it does help establish a pattern of behavior.) I’ve read and reread books so much that I’ve had bindings break; I’ve watched movies so repeatedly that I’ve worn out DVD discs (yeah, lucky for me that we have digital media now!).

Lately, I’ve been feeling much more distressed than usual. I think I’ve finally started to understand why: there’s a lot of unknown going on for me right now, a lot of things that aren’t quite resolved or that are without clear paths forward yet. My mental health is craving some predictability that it just isn’t going to get quite yet. I do feel confident that things will smooth over eventually, but it’s all been getting so wearisome. In response, when I do have a few spare minutes for reading or watching something, all I want to reach for is anything that I’ve already been seeking for time out of mind.

…or is it that I have a mind that is out of time, out of touch with present day? Am I seeking comfort, or is it dissociating? Or, am I lost out there, and all alone, and these “comfort media” are waiting to carry me home, everywhere I look?