This week’s Parsha (the section of the Torah that we are reading from) is an interesting one. We are at the point in the story where twelve spies are sent ahead of the wandering Israelites, to scout out the Holy Land and see what they could see, and to report back about their findings. They advise that the land is lush and beautiful, but the good news stops there. Ten of the spies warn about the land’s current inhabitants being giants and warriors more powerful than the Israelites. Only two of the spies, Caleb and Joshua, insist that the land can be conquered just as G-d has commanded. When the Israelites waver and wail that they may as well return to Egypt, G-d punishes them for their doubt by making them wander in the desert for 40 years.

A lot of people see this story as an example of the importance of avoiding negative self-talk, of holding steadfastly to faith and to the hope that better things are coming. That is indeed a wonderful message to glean here. But in a way, that might be an oversimplification. Yes, we do need to maintain a point of view in which we can still see the good in spite of the bad, in which we can see the world not for what it is, but what it can become. However, there is inherent usefulness in seeing things at face value. Yes, the Holy Land was going to be a special place that G-d would deliver us to and provide for us. And, it was already occupied by some formidable foes that we would need to contend with, and it would be difficult. Both points of view are valid and true.

This utterly aligns with the trauma recovery process. Healing from narcissistic abuse involves a lot of work on correcting one’s point of view. There’s a significant imbalance to correct, in order to regain a clear perspective that isn’t colored by the abuser’s version of things. I used to frequently try to minimize my feelings and experiences and trauma and pain; yes, I went through all that, but other people surely had it worse. I know now that this was a way for me to avoid processing my trauma, to shrug it off so I didn’t have to examine it closely. It took me years and a lot of work with my therapist to shift to understanding that it isn’t one or the other, but both. It isn’t, “Yes, but.” It’s, “Yes, and.” Yes, she’s my mother. And she hurt and manipulated the fuck out of me and put my brother and I directly in harm’s way. Yes, Joshua and Caleb saw the potential in the Holy Land. And the other ten spies saw the reality of the Holy Land.

Maybe it’s optimism versus realism. Maybe Caleb and Joshua were being too naive. Maybe the ten were just trying to be practical, and the Israelites got all dramatic and blew it out of proportion. Maybe I’m overreaching, trying to offer retroactive validation to characters from a biblical story from millennia ago. I don’t know, I’m a Libra, so maybe I’m just a big believer in striking a balance.

I guess it depends on your point of view.