I’ve been having a difficult day, emotionally. Just short-tempered. Grouchy. Wanting to be left alone for the most part (not an option when it’s a day with my kid since she doesn’t have camp on Tuesdays). I’m sure it’s still an effect of last week’s fortress breach (which you can read about here), and honestly, I’ve been like this probably for more than just today. I’m just aggravated enough to be unpleasant company with myself, to be aware that this isn’t the emotion that I want driving the bus, but not able to really snap myself out of it. When you get deeply triggered by a person, or a situation I guess, that has historically made you bury your own sense of self in order to elevate theirs, it can be really hard to dig yourself back out so you can breathe fresh air again.

Summertime is even more difficult a time for this sort of thing to happen to me, because I don’t have work to distract myself with, or to help me force myself to snap out of it. Don’t get me wrong, the idea that teachers don’t work during the summer is a complete and utter falsehood — but to be clear, I don’t have the students to redirect my mind. People love summertime for its longer days and relaxed, easygoing moods. More sunshine, more cheer, more fun. Me, I struggle with summer. The inherent idleness of the season means my brain has more liberty to wander towards stuff I usually prefer not to think about.

And so, especially on summer days, it’s important to put extra effort into finding things that remind me of myself, that bring me back to myself. Today, I happened to get lucky in that regard. We had tickets to a minor league baseball game tonight. We are lucky to live in a city that a minor league team calls home, and as it happens, tonight that team is playing the minor league team affiliated with my favorite major league team. So I got to wear my Red Sox gear. And we’ve been out here on a summer evening, enjoying a baseball game, which to me is the quintessential definition of what summer sounds like. I love baseball and always have. It’s an odd little piece of myself that’s remained unsullied by other things I’ve experienced.

Last week, my therapist told me that one thing I should do something physical to work the angry feelings out of my body. Totally legitimate suggestion. I admit I don’t know that I’ve done that too much. But I do know that there is something to be said for legitimately moving your body to a different place, or several. Over the weekend I went to an art show, one of those immersive experience things, featuring my all-time favorite artist, Van Gogh. That was thoroughly enjoyable; honestly, so was the two hour drive by myself there and back. Today, we went to the baseball game. It really helped.

Here’s the thing though. I wouldn’t have been able to drag myself up out of my head to do those helpful things without nudging and planning and support from my husband. I’m extremely fortunate to have him; I haven’t always been so lucky and I know other people are not so lucky. I’ve been in dark places before where the smallest of movements/efforts seem too daunting, let alone big ideas like driving two hours away to an art show or making myself presentable and sociable enough for a baseball game. It seems ludicrous to talk of the big things I did to try to get to a better mental place, when I know how much energy it can take to do something as simple as shower or even get out of bed or off the couch.

So, let’s cover the bases.

Able to move your body around but can’t bring yourself to drive anywhere? Change the room you’re in. If you’re in the bedroom, go to the living room. If you’re in the living room, go hang out in the kitchen for awhile. Try taking a step outside the house, onto your front porch or into your backyard. You can go as far or stay as long as you want to. Five paces or five minutes — it’s still more than none.

Thinking about that hobby you enjoy (let’s use painting as an example), but can’t bring yourself to pick up the paintbrush? Spend a little time on your phone looking up your favorite artists, or watch videos to learn new technique or just enjoy the visual experience of it. Same concepts apply with musical hobbies, other arts and crafts type hobbies, athletic hobbies, it pretty much runs the gamut.

Hungry but not in any shape to prepare a good meal? Do something easy, like boxed Mac and cheese or oatmeal. Not able to bear the idea of actual cooking? There’s nothing wrong with cereal or sandwiches. Daunted by the idea of cooking or even eating because then it will mean having to wash dishes? Use disposable dishware and utensils. Or order takeout and eat right out of the takeout cartons. Most places even provide plastic utensils, or will if you ask.

Know you should eat even if you don’t feel hungry? Try something small like a granola bar, some yogurt or fruit. Even if you can only bear a couple of bites — that’s better than no bites at all.

Thinking about how much better you’d feel if you just got showered and dressed, but can’t bear the thought of standing upright that long? Wipe yourself down with a damp cloth, or just wash your face or even just your hands. Put on something fresh and cozy. Even if you then get back into bed or only move from bed to couch — hey, you moved!

Self-care doesn’t always look and sound like a home run. It’s not hitting it out of the park the same way every time. Sometimes, it’s making your way to one base at a time, not a grand slam but a weird line drive that weaves and wobbles its way along like it has a mind of its own. It’s a tricky ball, but, it stays fair and keeps moving. Sometimes that’s all you can ask of a baseball; sometimes, that’s all you can ask of yourself.