For many centuries, there was a historical capital punishment called pressing or crushing, where the accused person would be lain flat and heavy stones or irons would be placed upon their bodies, with the intent to kill or otherwise force a plea or confession. This judicial approach was used in Ancient Rome, in the Aztec Empire, during Mongol rule, and even in Europe as late as the eighteenth century. Famously, a victim of the Salem Witch Trials was pressed to death in 1692.

All this to say…it has been the kind of week where it feels like more and more heavy stones are being piled upon me. I am doing all I can to bear the weight, to keep bearing the weight. But I’m starting to feel like I’m being slowly crushed to death.

If you’ve ever felt like this, here are some reminders of what we’re supposed to try to do to help ease that burden, which I’m writing down to help myself remember as much as to help anyone else:

1) Talk to someone. Make and keep appointments with a therapist. Reach out to friends to share what’s going on, or at least to let them know you’re having a hard time. Connect with people you trust.

2) Engage in safe behaviors that can help relieve stress. (Emphasis on the word safe — drinking, drugs, and illegal activities are not the answer!) Walk, run, paint, draw, sing, write, crochet, cook. Do self-care stuff, whatever that means to you. Try to stay present and channel that energy into an act that will help release that feeling of pressure. Activities like playing games on our phones or doomscrolling are less an act of stress relief and more an act of dissociation. Dissociation and compartmentalization can be helpful in getting through the day, but it won’t help us heal or feel better in the long run; it only increases the weight we bear, because it just delays the emotional processing that we all need to get through.

3) Rest. When you’re already feeling overrun emotionally, the answer is not to swamp your schedule with extra work and bury yourself logistically. Distractions don’t magically make your stressors go away; they’ll just sit there waiting for you, and gladly keep you up at night.

I’m working hard on employing all three of the above where I can. One thing I plan to do today which falls under the second point is to make a pineapple upside down cake. I’m something of a stress baker, and it seems an apropos dessert to make right now when everything feels so upside down. Maybe I’ll be able to feel some of this weight lift off my shoulders as I flip the cake out of the pan. We’ll see.

Just remember that you don’t have to go about bearing the weight alone. Take the steps you need to take, whatever those might be, in order to keep it from crushing you.