Why is Yom Kippur considered the holiest day of the year?

I posed this question with fourth and fifth grade students today, and it was difficult for them to answer. After awhile some of them retrieved their notebooks to refer to their notes about Yom Kippur from the rabbi’s class, which helped give them ideas about what Yom Kippur entails that can make it holy. None of them really hit the nail on the head though. One particular student shut down entirely and wouldn’t write at all. (Open ended questions, especially high-brow cerebral ones like this, can be really hard. I should add a disclaimer as well that the following answer to the above question is my own take on things. Make of it what you will.)

We discussed their ideas for a bit. Then I asked them about what they do when a friend is upset, or angry, or frustrated, or sad. This was easier for them to consider; they said they’d ask what was wrong, offer to help, bring the person things that make them happy or can calm them down. When I asked what we should do if none of those things are working, the class generally agreed it’s best to leave the person alone and give them space.

I explained to the students that yes, what helps the most in general when someone is upset is to allow them space to have those feelings – to make that space for them so they can feel heard, and seen. I told them this is called validation. I used my student who shut down during writing as an example – I could see she was frustrated, and I didn’t punish her for it or force her to do it, I made space for her and acknowledged how she was feeling and why. Then I asked how she felt now, and she said she felt better.

I then brought it home for them with Yom Kippur. Just as they had told me, Yom Kippur is when we atone for our wrongdoings, when we come before G-d to apologize and ask forgiveness, to plead with him to hear our prayers, so that we can be granted the blessing of the following year in which to do and be better. Yom Kippur is the ultimate validation. It’s G-d making space for us, for our feelings and thoughts and hopes and prayers.

There’s nothing kinder you can do for a person than make them feel seen and heard. Validation is a holy act. You’re following the most holy of examples when doing so. That’s why Yom Kippur has a level of holiness all its own, apart from all other days in the Jewish calendar.

G’mar Hatimah Tovah; may we all be sealed in the Book of Life, and may G-d see and hear us all.