It’s time for my annual Word of the Year post. I like to start off the year not with resolutions, but with a word that I can focus on as a theme for the next 365 days. I use this word as inspiration for the things I hope to achieve or changes I wish to make.

Last year’s word was courage. I want to find courage to do things I never thought I could do, and to brave painful truths and memories that I spent a long time burying. In those regards, I found 2024 to be a rather successful year. As such, it’s taken me some time to settle on a word for 2025 that carries as much value for me. There are obvious choices like health and rest, but those aren’t words I need to focus on, they’re legitimate priorities. I finally asked myself what it was I wanted more of in my life this year; to that end, the answer was clear.

I want more joy.

I’ve lived a life of pain, both psychological and physical. Pain has dogged me utterly, and for the most part I’ve just pushed through and ignored it as much as humanly possible (and then some). It’s taken me a very long time to believe this, but, I deserve to have joy in my life, and the time has come to let myself focus on making that happen. This will surely have different forms day to day, week to week, month to month, but it’s there for the taking, in present tense. It isn’t something I need to search for abroad or hope for in the future; it’s something I can manifest and discover right now, each day.

I want more joy, and I can have it. I just need to let myself have it.

I can’t wait to find it, to see it, to be it. With any luck, I will become a beacon of joy for others who need it, but I need to be careful not to lose sight of my primary target here, which is myself.

I learned the hard way in 2024 that aftercare is not the same as self-care. While we absolutely need both, with proper self-care (attending to our personal mental health needs in the first place), we can find ourselves in less need of aftercare (tending to ourselves to recover after dealing with difficulties). I’ve been in a chronic and ever decreasingly effective cycle of aftercare for years now; I am learning that what I need is more self-care, more replenishment of my energies and attention to my needs, rather than always putting everyone and everything else first, which is how I spent the first three decades of my life. It’s a very challenging lifestyle habit to unlearn. But I am trying, and I think that one way to help find more balance is to be more deliberate with seeking out joy.

I need to find joy, and recognize it when I do find it, and let myself lean into it. All three of those are related but distinct tasks for myself. I know sometimes they’ll feel monstrous. But they’re worth going for.

Joy is a feeling worth experiencing. And I am worthy of experiencing joy.

(You are too!)

Photo credit: Me. This is my all-time favorite photo of my dog Beauty, who we had to say goodbye to at the end of December 2022. We miss her very much, and I have yet to find any photo that better conveys joy than this one.