I’ve hit a really good achievement today.

Today marks the seventh day in a row that I’ve brushed my teeth.

(Sorry, did you think I was going to say something less mundane? I appreciate y’all! But that is so not my life.)

Nah, in all seriousness, I know how this sounds. But here’s the thing. Growing up, my parents were both heavy smokers who had no dental care routine of their own. Indeed, my mother wore partial dentures at that time and eventually had a full set, and while I think my father still had his own teeth, they were not in good shape. When my brother and I were young, they tried to teach us to brush our teeth and I remember a couple of attempts to bring us to the dentist for regular care. The only things that came out of those dentist appointments were (a) I got sealants applied to my teeth which probably did a lot of heavy lifting through my childhood and adolescence; and (b) a decades-long fear of the dentist because when I was six years old I thought the mechanical toothbrush was the drill, and no one thought to correct that impression. A few tantrums about the dentist later, they gave up on bringing us there. I’ve always had a toothbrush and toothpaste, and I’ve tried, but I’ve just never been consistent about it, even as an adult, even with my own responsible grown-up behavior of routine dental appointments every six months. While I’m no longer misinformed about what happens during dental cleanings, I still struggle a lot with muscle memory trauma when I’m there (mostly unrelated to the dentist itself). Unfortunately, I’ve had to have a fair number of fillings done in the last ten years or so (not to mention a root canal and crown that had to be done twice because a different dental office botched it the first time).

I brush my teeth; I just haven’t been able to get the hang of doing it every day. I could use the above background information as an excuse, but the fact of the matter is that this is something I can get better at. I just have to make the choice to commit to doing it. Even when I’m tired. Even when I really don’t want to. Because, yes, with the chronic fatigue and pain I deal with, I could easily say that I don’t have it in me to brush my teeth on any given day. But I’ve reached a point where I’m more tired of having to have dental work done if I slack off too much in caring for my teeth. My health conditions are such that my dentition can get impacted too, particularly with inflammation. That means the teeth need all the defense and help they can get, and that means brushing consistently. I don’t need to be perfect, but I know I can do better.

So after my most recent appointment last week, talking with the dentist and hygienist about two filling repairs that are needed — on complete opposite sides of the back of my mouth, which is going to SUCK — I felt a new resolve. I was ready to properly give spoons (in other words, time and energy) to this part of my life. In a way, it felt like the resolution an addict might make to turn over a new leaf and get sober. Except I’m not addicted to poor dental hygiene, but, you get the idea.

One of the tenets of AA, from what I’ve read (I have no personal experience with that so people are free to correct me if I’m wrong) is, “one day at a time.” I just finished reading Liza Minnelli’s autobiography, so her story regaling the struggle of substance use disorder and addiction recovery is still circulating in my brain. She uses the phrase “one day at a time” several times in her book in this context. Anyway, in spite of some major mental health challenges I’ve been working through in the last few days, somehow I’ve managed to keep to that same approach with toothbrushing — and it’s something I’m working on keeping to in other aspects of my life right now too. I also learned from Liza’s book that real, lasting change comes from being truly honest with yourself, which means facing some truths that aren’t flattering or pleasant. So, here I am.

All in all, given how everything has felt, the realization that I’ve made it a full week brushing my teeth, without once slacking off or making an excuse not to do it, seemed worth acknowledging. I don’t know if celebrating would be the right word, but, you know what? People with peaceful, normal, happy lives, people who enjoy consistent mental stability, have no idea how big even the most basic tasks can feel when everything hurts inside and out. Brushing one’s teeth may not seem like a victory on any scale — but, for me it is. I’ll take every victory of any shape, size, and color right now. Every day.

One day at a time.